One more thing I am too high strung for

I just got home from seeing The Dark Knight (It. Was. Awesome.); I loved it. However, much like with reality TV, I spent a large portion of the movie stressed out.

I am not cut out for suspense. I am not cut out for difficult situations that I can't change. I apparently can't even handle fictional situations. I'm sure there are plenty of psychologists out there who could write entire dissertations on what it means that television and movies stress me out.

Oh, and if you want a weird experience, go out and see The Dark Knight and then come home and watch the 1989 Batman with Jack Nicholson as The Joker. The contrast is so stark it's making my brain hurt.

Frightening things I have seen my fellow motorists doing

1. Applying makeup. While in motion.
2. Reading the newspaper. While in motion.
3. Turning completely around to yell at children/pets.
4. Clearly not wearing seatbelts.
5. Eating, drinking, smoking and generally not watching the road.
6. Driving with one foot up on the steering wheel.
7. Studying for an exam. On the interstate. At 80 mph.
8. Cleaning ones ears. For like 15 minutes in morning traffic. It was gross.

Signs I'm Way Too High Strung

I realize that I seem to comment on reality TV far too often, but this time it's a show I actually watch by choice. My sweet little Kentucky-bred mechanic has a secret passion for Gordon Ramsey and has passed onto me an interest in Hell's Kitchen. Last night was the finale.

I have no personal investment in this show. I don't know anyone who has ever been on it. I've never worked in a professional kitchen. I will probably never go to the restaurant the winner will work at. And yet, I was completely stressed out the entire time.

I know that these shows are edited to turn what is usually dull (real life) into something exciting and dramatic (a TV show). And, still, I get sucked in. I can't take the tension. I get upset when someone makes a huge mistake or when one of the returning losers seems to be sabotaging the whole thing.

I can only imagine what would happen if this were my life, and not TV.

Do you think they'll notice I'm not Bengali?

For the past two days, my dental conference has shared the Toronto Convention center with the North American Bengali Conference. Never even occurred to me that they would have one, but I guess there's a conference for everything.

I have to say, they seem to be having a lot more fun than we are. We have poster sessions on gingivitis and oral cancer in the exhibit hall at one end of the convention center; they have Bollywood movies in the other exhibit hall. We have oral sessions on mouthwash and dental needs of the elderly in our small meeting rooms; they have kids doing bright colorful paintings and rooms full of really good-smelling food. We have hoards of Japanese dentists in dark suits; they have hoards of 70-something Indian women in brightly colored saris.

We considered trying to sneak in for lunch. We were willing to pay for it.

The one group that doesn't seem to be enjoying this event is the large number of first generation American and Canadian children that have been dragged along by their parents and grandparents. Most of them are tugging at their traditional clothes as though they are hoping they will turn into shorts and sandals. As they sit around eating their delightfully spicy lunch, they are staring longingly out the window at the hot dogs and french fries on the lunch trucks outside.

I considered paying one of those kids to trade places with me.

Oh! Canada!

I got to Canada for a conference on Tuesday. It was Canada Day. We joined in the celebrations by going to a place called The Loose Moose and having a few Strongbows while amusing ourselves at the expense of a very nice, very cute bartender.

I could move to this country. The bartender told us "It's just like the States, but with fewer guns." If the guns are the only difference, then we should seriously consider tighter controls. The people here are so happy and so friendly.

So much so, that I have decided to think of all of the things besides fewer guns that would make them so much kinder:

1. Peacekeepers, not peacemakers. Fewer people try to get revenge on you when you're just maintaining the status quo.

2. Close ties to jolly old England. What's not to be happy about,

3. Hockey. It's fun to watch and a good, healthy way to blow off aggression.

4. Not despised by nearly as many countries as we are.

5. Something like 70% of the population lives within 200 miles of the US border (don't quote me on that), that means there are lots of nice empty places to "get away from it all."

6. Taking real action on the environment. I reads somewhere that Toronto is the greenest city in North America.

7. Rick Moranis, John Candy and the Kids in the Hall.