Home Sweet Nowhere

I think I hate house hunting. It's taken me four fruitless Saturdays with our realtor to come to terms with this.

To start with, our realtor is a friend of a friend of my father's. He works as a team with his wife. The wife used to navigate, but they got GPS for Christmas, so now I'm not really sure what her purpose is. The realtor has a strange pitch and rhythm to his speech and abnormally large, strangely flat ears. The ears are very distracting when one is trying to concentrate on remembering to see if the appliances look like they are Fred Flintstone's cast offs.

Then there's the fact that the Kentucky boy and I are having a hard time agreeing. That's a whole separate domestic squabble that simply means that I see a place an really like it and he sees a place and sees nowhere to park or high heating bills.

I've now seen the full world of houses out to offer. My favorite are the ones that fall into the realm of "creative description." The "nice Cape Cod with summer kitchen in the basement" is a run down mess that smells like something died in it, until you get to the summer kitchen in the basement, wherein it smells like mold. The house that is "currently set up as a two family home, but easily converted to one" is actually two decidedly isolated units which appear to have been created by dividing a series of already tiny rooms in half.

Then there was the home with a massive great room that was beautifully decorated like something out of a magazine, but was surrounded by disgusting, poorly cared for, filthy other rooms.

Then there was the home we visited where the owner didn't bother disclosing that he was a licensed Realtor. And he was home. With two half dressed, unwashed teenagers who seem to think that living in a condo in Bridgewater, NJ makes them "street" eating bacon in the kitchen. This was clearly the home of a divorced man as the entire master bedroom had a jungle theme. I'm pretty sure I was the first female to stop by in several years.

And we get to do it all again tomorrow.