10 Rules for Southern cuisine

1. If it isn't pork, find a way to add pork to it.
2. If it is even slightly healthy, find a way to change that.
3. Corn counts as your one vegetable. So do french fries.
4. Cholesterol? What's that?
5. At least 75% of the meal must be able to be eaten utensil free.
6. At least 60% of the meal must be some shade of yellow.
7. Anything green must be cooked until it fades to a shade of yellow or covered in something yellow.
8. All good meals require at least 12 napkins. Appropriate articles of clothing may be substituted for the napkins.
9. Butter is good. Cream is better. Lard is best. Skim milk is for wimps.
10. If all else fails, deep fry it.