Six Degrees of Weird

Random email from a college friend today.

He thought of me because on a long car ride his current girlfriend found a mix tape I made him as a birthday present in 1997 and she loved it. He was thanking me for a ten year old birthday gift.

One thing lead to another and I, being who am I, asked about this new girlfriend. He mentions that she went to our college, but he didn't know her then.

Then he mentions that her roommate is dating someone who lived in my dorm way back when and that he remembers who I am.

Turns out, the roommate's boyfriend was my boyfriend for a six months or so my freshman year.

I have only come up with two conclusions one can draw from this:
a) This state is far too small. Definitely smaller than it feels when you're sitting in Sunday afternoon traffic on the turnpike.
b) The aforementioned college friend is, in fact, the center of a complex social web that will somehow prove integral to the further survival of the human race.

Addendum

I left the number one offender off of my last list: kids with those stupid rollerskate-sneakers who haven't been taught what is or isn't an appropriate place to use them. Is it wrong of me to secretly wish for a ten year old to fall?

People who would be in jail if I ruled the world

* Anyone who uses a cell phone in a theater.

* 30 mph in the left lane on any major highway.

* Loud talkers in public restrooms.

* People who pay $10 or less with a credit card.

* People who pay $1 or more with large amounts of pennies.

* Unattended children running wild in restaurants/stores and their negligent parents.

* People who take up more seats than necessary in crowded places.

* Aisle blockers at the grocery store.

* Anyone stopping to have an extended conversation in a busy doorway or throughway.

Rut?

That was totally my second (nearly identical) post about Harriet the Spy. Am I that dull? Or do I just love the book that much?

I'm still doing my "books that affected my life" series. So there.

Harriet the Spy

I've decided to do an occasional series on the books that moved me throughout my life. Since I was an early and voracious reader, it makes sense to start with the books I recall from my childhood. Harriet the Spy stands out the most, so that's where I'll start.

I first read Harriet the Spy when I was six years old. I was in love immediately. I read the sequels (even Sport). I wrote book reports on it in every grade from second to fifth.

But most of all, I wanted to be Harriet.

It started innocently, I asked for a small notebook to carry with me everywhere I went. I think I still have one. It's more of a collection of three to four sentence essays on my life. The others had actual observations in them. I learned from Harriet's mistakes, I kept my thoughts well hidden at all times.

As I got braver, I started to listen in when the kids next door were getting yelled at. I would creep around the house peering into the windows of the old lady on the other side of us. When I was left alone to prowl the block (I wasn't allowed to cross the street), I would write down things I discovered people doing. I would make up life stories for the people who failed to do anything interesting.

I never stopped observing people, I just stopped writing it all down. It was much safer that way.

Lies my older sisters told me

* If you stare at a squirrel too long, it will jump up and attack you.

* You have to be a good swimmer to go in the deep end of the pool because if your feet touch the bottom, there are lobsters that will pinch you.

* They make clowns white by wrapping them in wet toilet paper.

* Some of the grates in the sidewalk are big enough for you to fall into.

* Before you can start kindergarten you have to get lots of shots and they really really hurt.

* In a Jewish wedding ceremony, the man has to clean under the woman's fingernails (convinced me I was never getting married...).

* Mannequins are shoppers that they kidnapped and dipped in hot wax.

* If you staple your fingers it will be just like when you staple paper and they'll stick together.

Injuries that are hard to explain to the uninitiated

Did you know that it is possible to knee yourself in the stomach?
Did you know that kneeing yourself in the stomach is excruciatingly painful?
Leaving out the long boring details, I hooked my foot on someone's hemline as he was throwing me and when it came out I managed to both kick him in the ribcage and knee myself in the stomach. At least, that's what we worked out once I regained the ability to breathe.
It could have ended much uglier. I know someone who broke her own nose doing the exact same thing.
Why do I choose to do this?

Need sleep...

If anyone out there can figure out why two cats who have lived together in harmony for nearly seven years suddenly can't, please let me know. The older one is picking on her son repeatedly. And at 3 a.m. So that I have to get out of bed in the middle of the night to break up a cat fight. It isn't just because of the move. It started back in Kentucky. She's otherwise a very sweet cat.

In other news: you too can dress like a skank. Whitney Houston's belongings go on auction next week. This made the ten o'clock Fox news.